Learning to Love the Skin You’re In: Rebuilding Your Relationship with Your Body

For many of us, our relationship with our body is one of the most private — and most complicated — relationships we will ever have. It’s shaped by our earliest experiences, our culture, the media we consume, and the words spoken to us by parents, peers, and even strangers. At its worst, a poor body image can cast a shadow across every area of our lives — how we relate to others, how we show up at work, and even how we experience intimacy.

But this relationship, like any other, can be repaired. With care, attention, and sometimes therapeutic support, we can begin to reclaim a sense of connection with our bodies — one that is rooted in compassion, not criticism.

What Shapes Our Relationship with Our Body?

Early Influences

From a young age, we begin to absorb messages about our bodies — both explicit and implied. Comments from caregivers, the way affection is given or withheld, and how body talk is handled in the home all shape our early body narratives. For example, children who are praised for their appearance rather than their capabilities may grow up equating their worth with how they look (Grogan, 2016).

Cultural and Societal Norms

Western culture in particular has long upheld narrow ideals of beauty — often thin, youthful, white, and able-bodied — which are not only unattainable for most, but also exclusionary. Social media intensifies this, offering heavily curated snapshots of bodies that are often digitally altered. The more people compare themselves to these unrealistic images, the more dissatisfaction they tend to feel (Fardouly et al., 2015).

Trauma and Body Image

Experiences of trauma — including bullying, abuse, or medical trauma — can deeply distort the way we see and relate to our bodies. In some cases, the body becomes a source of shame or a battleground, rather than a home. Survivors of trauma may dissociate from their physicality altogether, leading to a sense of disconnection (Price, 2007).

Gender, Identity, and Body Image

People of all genders face body image challenges, but how those challenges manifest can differ. For example, men may feel pressured to appear muscular and strong, while women are often judged against thinness and youthfulness. Trans and non-binary individuals often face an added layer of complexity, particularly when the body does not reflect one’s internal identity. This can cause deep distress, known as body dysphoria (McGuire et al., 2016).

Why Body Image Matters in Relationships and Intimacy

When we’re at odds with our own body, it’s difficult to be fully present in relationships. Poor body image can lead to avoidance of physical closeness, fear of being seen naked, and feelings of inadequacy during sex. It can create barriers to communication and connection — not because we don’t care for our partners, but because shame can be a powerful silencer.

In contrast, a positive body image fosters openness, vulnerability, and pleasure. When someone feels at home in their body, they are more likely to engage authentically and confidently with others. The ripple effect of body confidence can transform not just sexual intimacy, but also emotional closeness and trust (Tylka & Wood-Barcalow, 2015).

With care, attention, and sometimes therapeutic support, we can begin to reclaim a sense of connection with our bodies

How to Begin Rebuilding a Healthier Relationship With Your Body

The good news is that your relationship with your body is not fixed — it can evolve. While healing looks different for everyone, the following steps can help:

1. Recognise the Critical Inner Voice

Most of us have internalised a harsh inner critic — the voice that says we’re not thin enough, attractive enough, or strong enough. Start by noticing when this voice shows up. Whose voice is it really? Is it an old echo from a parent or peer? Once we become aware of these scripts, we can begin to challenge and rewrite them.

Try this: Each time you catch a critical thought about your body, respond with something neutral or kind. For example: “My stomach looks awful” can be reframed as “This is the body that got me through a long day — it deserves respect.”

2. Curate Your Media Consumption

Your social feed plays a role in how you see yourself. Follow accounts that promote body diversity, joy, and realness. Unfollow those that leave you feeling inadequate or anxious. Studies show that even small shifts in online exposure can significantly improve body satisfaction (Cohen et al., 2019).

3. Focus on Function, Not Just Form

Your body is more than an ornament — it’s an instrument. Shift the focus from how your body looks to what it does. This could mean appreciating your legs for carrying you through a walk, or your hands for creating art or holding someone you love. Gratitude-based practices like this can rewire the way we relate to our physical selves (Alleva et al., 2015).

4. Dress for Now

Many people put off wearing clothes they enjoy until they “fix” their body. But dressing in a way that makes you feel good right now can be a powerful act of self-acceptance. You don’t need to shrink yourself to deserve comfort or style.

5. Practice Embodiment

When we dislike our bodies, we often disconnect from them. Embodiment practices — like mindful movement, yoga, breathwork, or even gentle touch — help bring us back into the body in safe and affirming ways. These practices foster awareness without judgment and can help rebuild trust between mind and body (Mehling et al., 2011).

6. Talk About It

Body image thrives in silence. By sharing our feelings with trusted others, we normalise the struggle and reduce shame. This might be with a partner, a friend, or a therapist. When we name our fears out loud, they often lose some of their power.

How Therapy Can Help

Sometimes, the roots of poor body image run deep. Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore those roots, uncover the stories we carry, and gently begin the process of healing.

Depending on the therapist’s modality, you might:

• Explore early experiences that shaped body beliefs.

• Work with body-based practices to increase embodiment and presence.

• Challenge cognitive distortions and develop a more balanced view of self.

• Process trauma that may be stored in or associated with the body.

• Develop communication strategies for navigating intimacy and relationships.

Therapists can also help you untangle body image from other issues such as disordered eating, low self-esteem, gender identity struggles, or sexual dysfunction. There is no “right” time to seek support — only a readiness to begin.

Your relationship with your body is not fixed — it can evolve

A Note on Self-Compassion

Changing the way we relate to our bodies isn’t about forcing ourselves to love every inch — it’s about developing respect, care, and a sense of peace. Self-compassion means recognising that all bodies are worthy of dignity and kindness, including your own. It’s not a destination, but a practice — one that gets easier with time and intention.

As Dr. Kristin Neff (2003), a leading researcher in self-compassion, writes: “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, don’t say it to yourself.

Final Thoughts

Your body is not the enemy. It’s your home, your history, and your ongoing story. While our culture may encourage us to critique and control our bodies, healing is possible. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to enjoy food, pleasure, movement, and rest. You are allowed to be seen.

By taking small steps toward self-compassion and body awareness, you open the door to deeper connection — with yourself, with others, and with the life you’re meant to live.

If you’re struggling, you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can help. Whether you’re healing from trauma, challenging harmful beliefs, or simply learning to inhabit your body more fully, support is here for you — and your body is worth that care.

References

Alleva, J. M., Martijn, C., Van Breukelen, G. J., Jansen, A., & Karos, K. (2015). Expand Your Horizon: A program that improves body image and reduces self-objectification by training women to focus on body functionality. Body Image, 15, 81–89.

Cohen, R., Newton-John, T., & Slater, A. (2019). The relationship between Facebook and Instagram appearance-focused activities and body image concerns in young women. Body Image, 29, 24–27.

Fardouly, J., Diedrichs, P. C., Vartanian, L. R., & Halliwell, E. (2015). Social comparisons on social media: The impact of Facebook on young women’s body image concerns and mood. Body Image, 13, 38–45.

Grogan, S. (2016). Body Image: Understanding body dissatisfaction in men, women and children (3rd ed.). Routledge.

McGuire, J. K., Doty, J. L., Catalpa, J. M., & Ola, C. (2016). Body image in transgender young people: Findings from a qualitative, community-based study. Body Image, 18, 96–107.

Mehling, W. E., Price, C., Daubenmier, J. J., Acree, M., Bartmess, E., & Stewart, A. (2011). The Multidimensional Assessment of Interoceptive Awareness (MAIA). PLoS ONE, 7(11), e48230.

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250.

Price, C. J. (2007). Body-oriented therapy in recovery from child sexual abuse: An efficacy study. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, 13(5), 30–34.

Tylka, T. L., & Wood-Barcalow, N. L. (2015). What is and what is not positive body image? Conceptual foundations and construct definition. Body Image, 14, 118–129.